The fact that you needed to write to express your feelings in a long, clear and comprehensive way is reflective of a problem all by itself. Humans were born with the gift of speech long before a written language. We also communicate via body language. You get none of that in writing. When you can’t talk safely about feelings that is a relationship issue. I’ve been there. My ex used to write me long letters occasionally. I generally read them (some carefully, some superficially). In simply scanning a letter, which I generally knew was coming, I knew the content and I knew the feelings and rationale being expressed.

Here’s the problem. Our relationship had totally broken down. In reality, it was never good. And a bad relationship is bad for both parties — not just one. No amount of writing or counseling in the world could fix it. In fact, we went couples counseling for a few sessions. Rather than repair things, it opened up the Pandora’s Box. It showed me something I was not ready to confront. This thing was over. So, not being ready, I slammed the box closed and tried to make believe I had not seen what I saw. Counseling was great. It did exactly what it was designed to do. it slapped me “upside the head” with reality. But something once seen cannot be forgotten.

Here’s the kicker, we were a couple for 48 years and married for 44. Crazy. Right? After personal counseling and self exploration, finally, I had the self awareness and understanding then ultimately the courage to admit openly what I knew in my heart probably from the day we married (and maybe even earlier). This relationship was wrong for us as a couple. If there ever was “love”, it surely wasn’t their for a long, long time and whatever may have existed certainly was insufficient to make for a satisfying relationship.

There was no issue for which long-winded written clarity was needed. It was obvious but neither one of us was ready to openly confront the obvious. It was over before it started. I’m glad I got up the guts to declare the end. Now I am finally living an authentic life. It was a tough road (and sometimes still is) but no regrets at all. Better late than never.

I’m in a new relationship now. It is fulfilling and totally open. We can discuss anything — the good, the bad and the ugly — without hostility or hurt feelings. In a good relationship, you can discuss anything using both verbal and body language to convey the message. No need for letter writing. Oh, by the way, we do write all the time. Short little love notes. In 3 lines, we can say all that we want to say. I read, re-read, treasure and save those rather than toss them.